That Evil Handicap system!

How can Dick Bins be a 12?! That's almost Spence-like. Dick hits that ball too straight and too far to be a 12.

How can Smyrk be an 8?! The guy shot back to back 66's last year. Has a 68 on the computer now.

How can I be an 11? Last Saturday I posted a smooth 89 at Soldiers with several club tosses on holes 13 and 15 to prove it. My back nine went double-double-bogey-double-bogey-triple-par-bogey-par. 1 over on the last 3 to shoot a 48. HA!

July 10th - Another Mac update from Claudia

Dave (Mac) had his first cardiac rehab. appointment yesterday. He had hoped they would tell him he could begin golfing with the guys this Wednesday but they want to observe him a for a week before giving the go ahead. Starting this week he will go to rehab. 3 x per week.

He learned more yesterday regarding what happened, as the final report from the heart lab. was available. His left anterior main artery was 90 % blocked and a branch off that was 70% blocked. These are the two areas where stents were placed. The heart had compensated since there was evidence of collateral circulation and in the end he suffered no irreversible damage. The right main artery is 50% blocked and was not stented because it did not meet the criteria for the procedure. This is one reason to observe him while being monitored in the Cardiac Rehab. Unit. This is also a reason for his medication and to watch diet and cholesterol. Although the blockage on the right will not go away except by further stenting, the fore mentioned measures can hopefully prevent further blockage.

A recommendation by the Cardiovascular Clinic was for Mac to begin taking 1000 mg. of fish oil (mega-3 fatty acids) on a daily basis. I am passing this on in the event you have an interest it such a supplement for it's benefits, which include:

• Reduced risk of heart attack
• Decreased level of triglycerides in the blood
• Small reduction in blood pressure

The clinic warned Mac that the supplement has a foul taste. To help alleviate the problem, they recommend freezing them and then taking them in the frozen state. To recommend that, I'm not even going to ask how they are manufactured or from what part of the fish they are made!

All in all he is doing well. I'm doing well too, with him around the house 24/7. It's a toss up over which of us wants him to be able to start golfing again.

Claudia

Mac Update

I've not gotten an update in recent days, but Steve Richardson said Mac has had a few appointments and that cardio rehab would be starting. It sound like Mac is shooting to return to the Dostal Tour towards the middle or end of July.

I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that I'm thankful that Mac listened to his warning signs and went to the doctor.

We've had a few medical issues in the group the past several years and we now tend to talk more about aches and pains than we do golf shots.

Keith has shed a bunch of weight and it shows. Kann says he's lost weight - but it could just be brain matter.

We've had several in our group that have had health issues. From heart and leg and foot problems to skin biopsies. Stay healthy and keep going to Mayo to get every little thing checked out. My paycheck depends on it.

Jake

Golf versus live music

Other than my family there aren't many activities that trip my trigger more than golfing and live music. You know enough about my golfing so I'm going to concentrate on live music.

Now I'm not much for smokey bars and crappy musicians - but when it comes to hearing great musicians in great venues - that really trips my trigger. There's something about being in the presence of talented musicans that enjoy their craft and enjoy sharing it with others.

What type of music you ask? It's hard to pigeion hole my musical tastes into one category. But I guess it could be described as Jam bands. Jam bands are defined as musicians that feel the music and improvise a song into tight funky solos. This normally will extend the songs from the normal 5 minute garden variety song into 10 or 12 minute jams.

The jam band crowds are generally free spirits with kind hearts and a love for soulful, funky music. A large contingent of tie-dye t-shirts and flower children type clothing. Most are extremely polite and respectful of their surroundings. Tree-hugging dirt worshippers who love Mother Earth and are looking for positive vibes and use the common ground of music to celebrate. And yes, there's plenty of dope smoking....but we don't let that bother us.

Ok, can you picture the crowd? Here's a partial list of bands I've seen perform live in the last 6 or 7 years. I've added a short description when needed.

2007 - Either seen or scheduled.

• Yonder Mountain String Band - funky bluegrass at the Minnesota Zoo Amphitheatre
• Widespread Panic - Boston, MA - Pavilion July 18th
• Buddy Guy - Blues - Minnesota Zoo Amphitheatre - August 1st
• Allman Brothers Band - southern rock and blues. If you've never listened to their Live at Fillmore East CD, you're missing something.

2006 -

• Yonder Mountain String Band - October at the State Theatre in Minneapolis
• Sam Bush - Bluegrass. Minnesota Zoo - July
• Nathan and the Zydeco Cha Chas and Beausoleil - New Orleans jazz
• Yonder Mountain String Band - June at the MN Zoo
• The Subdudes - New Orleans style jazz/rock at the MN Zoo
• The Black Crowes in Somerset WI
• Drive By Truckers
• Robert Randolph and the Family Band
• Bob Weir and Ratdog - original member of the Grateful Dead. Playing old Dead songs and blues.
• BB King - Blues legend in Rochester

2005 -

• Widespread Panic - October at Roy Wilkens Auditorium. St Paul.
• Robert Cray Band - Great Blues guitarist
• John Hiatt - Singer/Songwriter
• Widespread Panic - May in Kansas City, MO
• Dirty Dozen Brass Band - New Orleans jazz

And others but I can't place what year they were. I keep all the ticket stubs, but that seems like a lot of work to dig through them right now.

• Eric Clapton
• Santana
• Blues Traveler (Chicago)
• AC/DC (1980, 1999, 2002)
• Bob Schneider
• Big Head Todd and the Monsters (twice)
• Vince Gill

Way back in the day in my high school years and just after I saw these bands in no particular order.

• Rush
• Black Sabbath
• Van Halen
• REO Speedwagon
• Blue Oyster Cult
• Queen
• The Cars
• The Doobie Brothers
• Manfred Manns Earth Band
• Journey
• 38 Special
• Willie Nelson
• The Eagles
• Steve Miller Band
• and yes..... KISS (I was 14 and my friends sister drove us up)

Okay, you get the idea. Nothing like getting a few beers in you and listening to live music. Step outside your daily routine and take in a live performance. Let the music flow through you. Smile at your neighbors and live a little!

Jake

An Open Letter To My Hair

Dear Hair,

Hey! How are you? Everything's good down here.

I've been pretty busy at work, but it's fun. The kids are growing up so fast you'd hardly recognize them. Oh, and my folks will be out visiting us soon, so that'll be nice. You'll have to forgive me if you already knew this stuff, but I figured you might not be up to date since you're too busy slowly falling out my fucking head you ungrateful assholes.

I just don't get it. We've been together for as long as I can remember. How can you just throw that all away?! I washed you. I patted you dry. I took you to expensive salons. But I guess that wasn't good enough, was it? Where did it all go wrong? Just tell me, and I'll fix it. I can change, I swear!

Honestly, I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore. Do you really think a life down the drain or stuck in some brush is going to be better than what you have with me in my scalp??? I promise you, it won't be.

But if that's the way you want it, then fine. But don't come growing back someday and expect it to be like the old days, because I can't wait for you forever.

Listen, Hair. As hard as this is, I do wish you the best. I'm going to miss you a lot, and I will always deeply cherish the times we shared together.

I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

Jake

P.S. Go fuck yourself.

Windy and cold

We had our first rainout on Wednesday.

Overall our weather has been pretty bad starting in Chillicothe in mid-April. I can only remember a couple of really nice days. Wind and cold has been the norm.

On Wednesday our team (Dick, Steve D., Ken and Jake) watched the sky's on the front. Dick went in at the turn and said it didn't look good. But we started out, hoping that if we got chased off the course we might be able to get back out to finish our round.

Steve Dostal and I proceeded to dump our tee balls off 10 in the river. Dick and Ken were thrilled! Ken couldn't say much after posting a 42 on the front (Dick has a smooth 37). Steve and I both made double - but we picked one up because Ken and Dick both netted a birdie.

We teed off on 11 and finished that hole even. We looked over to the west and decided to walk in. Just in time....

The horn blew 10 minutes later.

News for the week - May13 - May 19

• Tom Bernstorf is HOT! His team swept on Saturday at Northern and on Wednesday at Soldiers.
• Jimbo was back. Playing with a device. He did donate to Kann. Buck - Buck - Buck. But he paid him with Ms. Kitty money.
• Mac (13) had a smooth 92 at Soldiers on Wednesday. Even the driver was sporadic.
• Dick (11) had a 90 at Northern last Saturday. Dick rarely rides - but he did that day. I wonder if the score and the ride are related? He was riding with Keith - so Dick might have been car sick.
• Is it just me, or is clearing the ditch on 15 at Northern tougher this year? Those that need to lay up are really at a disadvantage.
• One more thing to bitch about at Northern. I hate the fairways! You can rarely find a decent lye. Bare patches all over.
• Oh, I thought of one more thing - I hate hole #4 at Northern. It's my new nemesis hole. Simple enough hole that I rarely par.

News for the week - May 6th - 12th

• The past week found Jimbo on the disabled list. He's got some leg problems that are preventing him from playing. Finally, Jimbo and Joe Mauer have something in common.

• Bob Pomerenke shot a 79 at Soldiers Field last Wednesday. 38-41. Playing to an 18. Nice going Bob! He made $25 and sits at the top of the money leaders list.

• Hook played on Wednesday at Soldiers Field. Good to have Hook donating again.

• Tom Bernstorf and Mac have been sneaking on the winning teams lately. They always seem to be the common denominator to the "team money".

• Steve Martin - once again drew a 4 of spades and not only teed off last - but paid double.

Chillicothe Highlights

Did you know?

Wednesday

• Motorhome drive was tense. The weather was shitty until well south of Des Moines. As we drove past the exit for The Legacy, it was still snowing and several inches of snow covered the ground. It was about then that Bob Monahan, our driver, insisted on a beer. We all thought he was kidding. But he insisted. Shortly after getting his beer, Bob pulled into the left lane and started passing cars for the first time all day.
• Steve Richardson posts a 75 in REALLY shitty weather.
• It was sleeting on hole 17 at Chillicothe when the final groups were finishing up.
• Big games teams were drawn.

Thursday

• Played 36 holes. Both rounds counted for the big game.
• Tim Smyrk (8) posted a 75 in the morning round.
• Rich Lyons (6) posted a 76 in the morning round.
• Dave Linbo (10) posted a 78.
• Frank Kozera (10) posted a 79.
• Tim Smyrk (8) posted an 88 in the afternoon.
• Jeff Anderson (8) shot a 90. With 11 horserace points on the front.

Friday

• Played 36 holes. Round 1 for the big game. Round 2 was best shot.
• Keith Peterson (10) posted a 77 in the morning round. With a 36 on the back.
• Tim Dunlap (14) posted a 83. With 20 horserace points on each side.
• Roger Pritchard (17) posted a 95 - and showed three groups his cock on 14 fairway.
• The lefties (Monahan, Jacobson and Pritchard) were solid in the best shot.

Saturday

• Got a free breakfast the hotel restaurant. Jimbo was pissed about the crappy service and demanded a free breakfast.
• Checked out and drove to The Legacy in Norwalk and played 18.
• Bob Pomerenke holed out for a 3 on #11 from 160 yards. A 470 yard par 5.
• Jake took a 10 on #2. Started the round 6, 10, 6, 6. Eleven over after 4 holes. Solid.
• Jeff Anderson posted a 104. With 3 horserace points on the front.
• Keith lost his ass playing 7 1/2 in the motorhome on the way home.

The Oldest Profession

A man walked into a Tavern and sat next to a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. "Hi there good looking, how's it going?" he asked.

The woman looked him straight in the eye and said: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college, and I just love it!"

"No kidding?," said the man, "I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

Whose got game?

If we were to take a poll of our extended family golf group - who would you vote as the the best in these categories?

Most accurate off the tee?
Longest Driver?
Long iron play?
Wedge game?
Chipping around the green?
Putter: Lag putter?
Putter: 10 footers?
Bunker shots?
Course Management?
Pressure putter?

Here's my list.

Most accurate off the tee? Mac or Bob P.
Longest Driver? Smyrk or Rich
Long iron play? Linbo
Wedge game? Keith
Chipping around the green? Not Tom
Putter: Lag putter? Rodney or Rich
Putter: 10 footers? Steve Richardson or Steve Martin
Bunker shots? Not Tom
Course Management? Dick
Pressure putter? Richardson

How is Boo Weekley related to The Dostal Tour?

This past weekend I watched Boo Weekley miss a 3 foot 3 inch putt on the final hole in regulation that would have won the Honda Classic.

This made me think about how we handle "giving putts". Some questions came to my mind. Why don't we putt them all? The theory is that it slows the round down. By how much?

Let's say that an average foursome gives 3 putts per hole. Some are no brainers. 3 inches or less. Let's say 1 per hole is a no brainer. It takes no longer to tap it in - then to pick it up. That leaves 2 putts per hole per foursome. Of those 2 putts - we can eliminate 1 of those 2 every 3 holes because someone made their 6 or 8 footer. Here's the math.....

72 = 18 holes x 4 golfers
- 18 (The ones made outside of gimme range)
= 54
- 18 (no brainer - 3 inches or less)
= 36
- 6 (someone 1-putts or makes one outside of gimme range)
= 30

Okay - so we have 30 putts per foursome that need to be made....
5 seconds standing behind the ball and lining up.
7 seconds standing over the ball.
3 seconds to pull it out of the cup.

That's 15 seconds extra for each of those 30 putts in the foursome. 7.5 additional minutes per round.

What are the benefits to putting them all? The biggest one I can think of is a more accurate handicap.

Does putting them all favor the lower or higher handicap golfer? You would think it would be a lower handicap golfer. That may be true - but it would only be temporary. After a period of time, a true handicap would emerge.

If over the summer I'm "given" 100 putts of 2.5 feet. I've just lowered my handicap. Because chances are I would have missed several (5 or 6 maybe) of those.

One more thing to consider.... We don't all give the same length putts. Some are more generous than others.

Also, we have a few people that give themselves the occasional putt! A big no-no. If this is for a quadruple bogey - maybe - otherwise it should never be done.

Finally, I may be mad at myself for missing that 2.5 footer that would have helped my team - but in the long run, my handicap will be fair and I will become a better putter.

I welcome any comments you might have.

Jake

New book

To help get you in the mood for golf in 2007, enclosed is a special offer:

Just finished writing my new book on golf that I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my 25 years of experience.

The cost is only $29.95 and can be ordered by simply sending Jake an email with the appropriate credit card info. (see below) It is a great price considering the wealth of information you'll receive.

Scroll down and check out the Table of Contents

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TABLE OF CONTENTS:

CHAPTER 1 HOW TO PROPERLY LINE UP YOUR FOURTH PUTT

CHAPTER 2 HOW TO HIT A NIKE FROM THE ROUGH WHEN YOU HIT A TITLEIST FROM THE TEE

CHAPTER 3 HOW TO AVOID THE WATER WHEN YOU LIE 8 IN A BUNKER

CHAPTER 4 HOW TO GET MORE DISTANCE OFF YOUR SHANK

CHAPTER 5 WHEN TO GIVE THE RANGER THE FINGER

CHAPTER 6 USING YOUR SHADOW ON THE GREENS TO MAXIMIZE EARNINGS

CHAPTER 7 WHEN TO IMPLEMENT HANDICAP MANAGEMENT

CHAPTER 8 PROPER EXCUSES FOR DRINKING BEER BEFORE 9A.M.

CHAPTER 9 HOW TO RATIONALIZE A 6 HOUR ROUND

CHAPTER 10 HOW TO FIND THE BALL THAT EVERYONE ELSE SAW GO IN THE WATER

CHAPTER 11 WHY YOUR SPOUSE DOESN'T CARE THAT YOU BIRDIED THE 5TH

CHAPTER 12 HOW TO LET A FOURSOME PLAY THROUGH YOUR TWOSOME

CHAPTER 13 HOW TO RELAX WHEN YOU ARE HITTING THREE OFF THE TEE

CHAPTER 14 WHEN TO SUGGEST MAJOR SWING CORRECTIONS TO YOUR OPPONENT

CHAPTER 15 GOD AND THE MEANING OF THE BIRDIE-TO-BOGEY THREE PUTT

CHAPTER 16 WHEN TO REGRIP YOUR BALL RETRIEVER

CHAPTER 17 CAN YOU PURCHASE A BETTER GOLF GAME

CHAPTER 18 WHY MALE GOLFERS WILL PAY $5.00 A BEER FROM THE CART GIRL AND GIVEHER A $3 TIP, BUT BALK AT $3.50 A BEER AT THE 19TH HOLE AND STIFF THE BARTENDER.
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Tee Time!

Jake: From a distance..... Fore!

Keith: Damn it! Jake hit into me again. What a prick. The only reason I play with him is it gives him less opportunities for him to hit me when I'm playing in his foursome.

Dick: That putt's good Tom. Pick it up. (Dick is secretly thinking....I hope these dumb asses never figure out why I give more putts than Anna Nicole gives cleavage shots.....never mind - that dream is dead. My slice putting can't stand the pressure of constant 2 foot testers.)

Tom: Mac, since you're done first - pick the flag up for once. MAC! MAC! Forget it I'll get it.

Mac: I ever tell you about the time I plugged up a hot tub with body hair in Chillicothe?

Keith, Dick, Tom: NO! Don't want to hear it Mac.